How to get out of the friend zone

Feb 25

With your therapist

While at times we may feel like your paid best friend, that is certainly not our goal. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the thought has never crossed our mind. It has nothing to do with you or what you are coming in with, it’s just that we have put up boundaries in order to help you thrive. Boundaries will help you you feel empowered, independent and allow for autonomy and growth. For most, friendzoning your therapist is not intentional. However, friendzoning tends to happen whether you connect well with your therapist or not. It may come up if you don’t feel comfortable or even if you feel so connected that you feel fear of criticism, shame, or hesitation in diving deeper on the things that brought you into therapy in the first place. Regardless, it will hinder your personal development in therapy and that simply is not our goal. Here are some ways to tell if you have friend-zoned your therapist and how to get back in the “therapeutic relationship” zone.

You find yourself staying on surface level topics instead of diving deeper in order to avoid judgement and maintain a certain view in your therapist’s head
Asking for unnecessary self-disclosure from your therapist
Consistently focusing on the relationship you have with the therapist rather than your goals
Not being fully honest in fear of judgement
Not benefiting from therapy but staying with the therapist regardless in fear of losing the relationship
Being attracted to or wanting to be friends with your therapist
Focusing on unimportant things just to have something to talk about
Contacting your therapist for non-therapy related concerns (memes, GIFS, TikTok, etc.)
Multiple unneeded sessions just to be in contact with therapist
If you feel that your therapist put YOU in the friendzone, call them out!

All of these things can change with a little self-awareness and being a bit more assertive about your clinical needs. As daunting as it may feel, you are worth it and deserve a therapist who is good enough to give you what you need while maintaining healthy boundaries.